It Takes Two to Trust

This week I was listening to an audio book by John Maxwell when this quote about trust hit me right between the eyes! The funny thing is, this was a leadership book, not a relationship book per se, but John Maxwell is famous for discussing the important personal integrity qualities that equip us to lead, so naturally, relationships are involved. This quote caused me to contemplate for several days that there is something very dysfunctional and wrong with the way most of us process trust in our relationships. Not just intimate relationships, but also friendships, business relationships and even the trust we choose to give or take away in our hearts towards people in positions of authority that we likely have never even met face to face.

Most of the time when we think about trust, we place the majority of the responsibility of “earning” or maintaining our trust on another person, while considering ourselves the potential victim of what the other person may or may not do to us or for us. On one hand this puts us in a high and mighty sort of position when we believe we can be the judge to decide whether or not someone is “worthy” of our favor, support or continued trust. On the other hand, it also sets us up to see ourselves as a powerless victim of the outcome if things don’t go well. In other words, we are handing over a whole lot of emotional power to another person, and failing to take responsibility for much of it, if any at all.

To complicate things further, we also tend to tie in our respect with that trust so if we believe someone has lost our trust, they have most likely lost our respect as well. Since we are also somewhat skewed as a society on the topic of respect, the tendency is to observe behaviors (and/or rumors) and treat people accordingly. The problem with this is that we are not all-knowing so our system fails us when we mistreat or elevate the status or “value” of someone based upon our limited knowledge, or perceived experience of trust or reputation. Yeah, go ahead and re-read that! We don’t know the whole story, or the fine details about anyone or anything so we don’t have the ability to judge the value of a person based upon our experiences. This works both directions and we have all experienced the pain of being misjudged or even defamed by someone who simply didn’t know all of the facts. There is only one who knows all and he has placed his value upon every single human he created. Yes, even the ones who have done horrible, unthinkable things (-that’s all of us if you’re paying attention).

Most of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13:7 of the “love chapter” that says “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things”. I struggled with the “believes all things” portion for a long time because it just sounded so naive! We all know of situations or have experienced situations where somebody believed someone that continually lied to them and they looked like a fool, were cheated out of, cheated on, taken for granted, abused or used. What I didn’t understand was that the bible wasn’t teaching a gospel of co-dependency and that this scripture passage is not about denial or living in a pretend world. How did I come to this conclusion? I read and read and read about the life of Jesus and I took note of how he handled people who loved him, as well as those who opposed him. I noticed that his only agenda was to follow the plan he and the father had purposed for him to accomplish on the earth. He was not swayed toward any other agenda- regardless of how noble it could have been. This often caused conflict for those who wanted to influence his purpose to something else. I watched his responses and found myself completely amazed at the things Jesus did, said, and often the things he didn’t say! I noticed that Jesus often didn’t feel obligated to answer “loaded” questions that were hurled at him and he usually answered those types of questions with a question of his own. This usually exposed the motive of the person asking, and sent them away in their own shame.

If you want to know how Jesus handled the issue of trust on a very personal level, read Matthew 26. Jesus had 12 disciples walking with him for his 3 years of ministry. They were a tight group and although he had crowds of thousands following him around everywhere, these 12 men were among his inner circle. They were always together and he always seemed to know what they were thinking- so much so that he often responded out loud to things they were only thinking internally. It should have been no surprise to them when they were eating the last passover supper together and Jesus announced to them all that one of them was going to betray him. I think it’s funny that none of them asked Jesus *how* he knew. Instead they were all shocked and concerned asking “surely it isn’t me?” So Jesus further explained the severity of the betrayal and said that not only was the betrayer one of his friends seated at the table and eating with him at that moment, but that the offense would be so bad that it would be better for that man to have never been born. Judas, who was in the middle of a betrayal deal with the chief priests and elders was at the table pretending to be as surprised as the rest of them. When they all started questioning Jesus “surely it isn’t me?”, Judas chimed in with the same question, trying to appear just as sincere and genuinely concerned as the other disciples but Jesus looked right at him and said “You have said it yourself”. Can you imagine what Judas felt at that moment? He was completely exposed! He had no way out of that and Jesus didn’t have to say anything else. Jesus simply pointed out the truth that somebody there was going to betray him, and allowed the truth itself to draw out the lie and the liar. What really strikes me here is that Jesus knew Judas was betraying him the entire time, but he still allowed him in the fellowship of the group and he treated him no differently. He didn’t secretly hold a grudge, or even keep a short leash of mistrust on Judas. He allowed the full vulnerability of the offense and treated him like a friend the entire time. He did, however, fully acknowledge the betrayal without pretending he didn’t know. This part is SO important!! This is what changes the situation from being one of co-dependent, enabling, “look the other way” naive, kind of denial relationship to a fully truthful, fully aware and fully vulnerable kind of relationship.

Jesus looked at that betrayal right in the face, acknowledged it for what it was and allowed the full vulnerability of it to happen without any self-preservation type of behavior.

I also find it interesting that Jesus didn’t make himself a victim in it. Obviously we all understand that this needed to happen in order to get to the cross, but this still would have been a painful thing for Jesus because he treated Judas like a friend in his inner circle for three years. When Jesus spoke about the severity of the consequences he talked about what this betrayal would do to Judas and not how hurt he was by the betrayal. This is a perfect picture of love. Later on when Judas showed up at the garden of Gethsemane with a large crowd armed with weapons, he gave Jesus the famous kiss of betrayal, and Jesus said to him “Friend, do what you came for”. This is more powerful than we realize. Jesus was not naive, he was not silent and he was not a doormat when he looked at Judas in the face during the very act of betrayal and still called him “friend”. I really believe this is why the guilt of this betrayal was so difficult for Judas that he returned the silver he was given to betray Jesus and ended his own life the very next morning.

Love is not love without full vulnerability and love is not love without full honesty. In order to fully give and receive love, we have to do it with the full acceptance of that vulnerability. If any of our relationships are struggling it is pretty much a guarantee that there is a deficit in the area of honesty or trust, but probably both. We can’t have love on any level without honesty and trust. Trust means that I take you at your word up to the very point that you betray me with it. When that happens I do not pretend it didn’t happen and I don’t make excuses for your betrayal. I love you in the face of it and allow you the opportunity to see it and make it right without overstepping my place by trying to devalue who you are because of what you did. You are still made in the image of God and the betrayal did not change your value. This is so important because the same scenario flips around when I am the one that is the betrayer in the relationship. (Notice I did not say “if”). Next comes forgiveness, and although this is a whole different topic, we can’t complete this relationship cycle without talking about it. We don’t have the luxury of holding back our forgiveness. We extend it, even when we don’t feel it and the responsibility of the betrayal (or offense) stays with the person that did the wrong.

We have to understand that withholding honesty, trust or forgiveness will not protect us from getting hurt. It will only ensure that we have no opportunity to experience real love and intimacy because we have denied the vulnerability that makes love valid.

By now you may be wondering how to apply this to something you have been going through for a long time. Me too! I want to be careful that I don’t portray this as a quick fix, magical remedy. Some of us have been managing relationships like this for years and years, and have developed, or learned a long pattern of co-dependent behavior. This pattern is not going to suddenly turn around with one honest conversation. This is going to have to be an intentional and very vulnerable choice made over and over again to reverse a pattern we made with not only ourselves, but with others.

We are the “other person” on the other side of our relationships, and we are going to have to be honest and vulnerable with ourselves and in our relationships without exception. This can only happen if the person that is face to face with us can trust us as well, and know that we love them enough to be fully honest and fully vulnerable in our relationship with them, even in the face of betrayal.

Most Eggcellently Hard Boiled

So this summer I joined the electric pressure cooker craze. I promised my husband I would ditch my crock pot if I bought the pressure cooker. I did give up my extra large crock pot without looking back, but I did keep my smaller ones and so far I haven’t needed them. I’ve used the pressure cooker for all kinds of things and have been absolutely loving it! It still boggles my mind that a pot of beans that used to take hours in the crockpot can be done, (and very tender) in less than an hour. It almost feels like I’m cheating! As if I didn’t need one more reason to love this thing, I started hearing about people  steaming their eggs in them and getting perfect, easy to peel eggs every time. I had to give this one a go, and sure enough they were not only cooked perfectly, but the yolk was nice and creamy, and not at all dried out like sometimes happens when hard boiling them. With a quick rise under cold water, the egg shells slid off in large pieces like a dream. 

My pressure cooker is not the popular Instapot. Mine is the Power Cooker so the settings will be slightly different. Also, I don’t have a bottom steam rack. Mine sits toward the top and it fits 18 eggs perfectly. I was a little worried that the lid wouldn’t close or would smash the eggs, but it is a perfect fit. I found that 4 minutes cooks the eggs perfectly so I use the vegetable setting (of 3 minutes) and then add a minute on. It takes longer to build up pressure than it does steaming the eggs but it is SO worth it. What I always have to remember though, is that once the cycle is done the pressure cooker automatically switches to the hold/warm setting and will not begin to release pressure until you hit cancel. This means they continue cooking in there and may overcook if you forget about them. I have forgotten for a few minutes and not had any problems but I would hate to leave it on more than that. Now that I have discovered this I have been on a deviled eggs kick and I’m thinking egg salad sounds pretty good too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Repurpose a Pickle Jar For Dog Treats

My family kind of has a thing for pickles so we go through tons of jars of them. The jars are all great sizes so I never want to throw them away when the pickles are gone. I have an extra large one in my laundry room holding all of the socks that are missing a mate, we have jars with coins or hardware in them and I have used others to store sauces or other food products. The only problem is I still have an abundant collection of empty pickle jars sitting on top of my refrigerator just waiting to be repurposed in a project. After a while I get sick of the clutter so I tell myself I need to decide to do something with them, or just break down and throw them away. Since I already took the time to wash the jars and peel the labels off, today I decided to decorate one and use it for a dog treat jar.

To decorate my jar, I first took one of the clean jars and sprayed the outside with a primer. (Some people paint the insides of jars for decorative projects so the outside keeps it’s shiny appearance, but since I am putting food in this jar, this has to be painted on the outside. Primers come in several different colors so I like to choose a color that will look good coming through the paint when the jar wears and scratches. I like the worn look so on some of the jars I intentionally sand and scratch them to bring out the primer color underneath. This effect especially looks good on mason jars that have raised print on them. Since we are using pickle jars today we won’t go into that.

I love the look of chalk paint so I have neutral colors of homemade chalk paint stored in containers just for projects like this. If you are interested in the chalk paint recipe, you can click here.  I paint on two thin coats, letting the first layer dry before painting the second layer. You can put on as many layers as you like. Just make sure the layers are thin and dry in between each coat.

Next I used Mod Podge to glue some fabric around the lid. The easiest way I found to do this was to paint the glue onto the top of the lid, then lay the lid directly onto the piece of fabric. Then I cut around it giving just enough room to fold into the inside of the jar. I painted the sides and just barely over the edges, folded the fabric over and then screwed the lid on while it dried with the fabric pressed up against it. I created the graphic with my Silhouette Cameo 3 and used a stick on vinyl but if you don’t have a cutting machine to create with you could decorate your jar with scrapbooking stickers for fun. When you are finished, be sure to use a clear coat finishing spray to seal your paint in and protect it. Those come in different sheens so if you like the chalky look you can choose a flat or eggshell sheen on it. If you like a glossier look there are semi-gloss and full gloss sheens as well.

If your dogs are anything like mine, they want to be anywhere you are. This certainly includes my craft room and when I spend a significant amount of time in there they just find a spot to nap. Because of this I have a big dog pillow bed on the floor and a bench seat so they can nap while I work on projects. Now I also have an adorable treat jar for them in my craft room as well so you could say they have officially moved in!

Shop Geopetric Here

Keeping Your Furbabies Summer-Safe

Hot dog! It’s summer time! Summer plans, bar-b-ques, good times and baseball are all in full swing, and for most of us, the regular routine activities of life must continue as well. Despite the heat, healthy living enthusiasts can be found walking, running and biking as faithfully committed as they do throughout the rest of the year, but with a little added precaution. Living in the Arizona desert, heat safety education is constantly being promoted to protect people from emergencies like heat stroke and dehydration. These situations can escalate very quickly and can become fatal to even the most fit and healthy. We understand the importance of water intake, and we pay attention to which hours of the day are safer for exercise, play and laborious physical activity. We even adhere to heat advisory warnings for temperatures that are considered unsafe without the proper precautions. But what is considered safe for our furbabies?

What do I need to know to protect my furbabies in the summer heat?

Most of the conversations we hear about pet safety in the heat have to do with concern for the pads of their feet burning on hot surfaces, or the dangers of leaving them in a hot car. While this is incredibly dangerous- especially here in the desert, many people are unaware of other heat dangers. There seems to be a misconception that our furbabies have a similar tolerance for heat as we do, but so many loving pet owners don’t realize the risk (and the misery) they are unintentionally putting their four legged companions through.

How does my dog regulate his body temperature?

Humans sweat to cool off and because of this, we are able to tolerate not only being in the heat, but we can also tolerate a fair amount of physical activity in the heat, as long as we stay hydrated. Dogs, however do not sweat. They pant in order to cool down by circulating air through their snout, but even among dogs, not all breeds are as effective at cooling down as others. Dogs with shorter snouts are unable to cool down as well as those with longer snouts. So while exercise and playtime is vitally important to the health of our dogs, it can be dangerous for them in warm weather, and even more risky if they are a breed with a shorter snout and are unable to cool down.

How can I keep physical activity safe for my dog in the heat?

You may be able to run your dog for miles in cool weather, and you yourself may be able to tolerate running in weather upwards of 100 degrees, but for dogs, temperatures as mild as 85 degrees can be a problem if they aren’t able to cool down, or if they don’t have access to a source of water to drink and get their bodies wet. Young puppies, older dogs and overweight dogs are considered at risk and need to be watched for signs of heat exhaustion. Humidity level is also a very important contributing factor so even if the outside temp is in the low 80s, a high humidity level can make the temperature feel like it’s in the upper 90s. In these situations it’s very important to pay attention to the behavior of your furbaby and err on the side of safety. When it’s hotter than 85 degrees, try to choose water activities to exercise your dog. If you still feel the need to walk them, don’t go very far so that you can return home quickly if they get too hot. Carry a spray bottle to help cool them (and yourself) down and always make sure your dog has water to drink even if you are just sitting in the heat.

   Get the friends & fans discount. Click here to shop!

How does my cat regulate his body temperature?

While you don’t typically see anyone walking a cat, (I know there are always exceptions) it’s important to note that they can also be at risk if they are left in the heat and are unable to cool down. Just like dogs, cats don’t sweat either, but their cooling process is actually very similar to the process that sweating works to cool down humans. Cats cool down by licking their fur and the evaporation process of their wet coat cools them down. Cats don’t pant to cool down like dogs do, but a cat will pant if they are in heat distress. Unfortunately, once they reach this point they are already in danger and likely require immediate medical attention.

Summer is a great time for outdoor sports, fun and family time. There are lots of fun things to do to beat the heat and many people enjoy bringing their pets along to enjoy the fun. Just make sure that everyone in the family stays safe in the heat!

 

Hope

Hope is a poweful thing. It allows us to suffer long and endure when life gets tough. It gives us the strength to inch forward another day when circumstances don’t otherwise look good. Hope fuels our will to do what is necessary and what is right when our current situation doesn’t show any signs of improvement. We have an amazing tenacity for suffering as long as we have just a glimmer of hope and our pain has a purpose. Because of this, we have to be very careful with whom or what we put our hope in. If we put our hope in people, situations, dreams or even our own ability to accomplish things, we set ourselves up for heartache and disappointment because although we can work hard and do our best to make the right choices, we truly have no control over life circumstances, and though some of us may try, we certainly have no control over other people. When things don’t happen the way we had imagined, or when people don’t cooperate with the dream we had envisioned, this is when our heart becomes disillusioned and our hope faulters. Often times this becomes a root of depression which can lead to all kinds of other things including suicide, self-harm overeating and substance abuse because we are mourning a loss of control in our lives and these things put us back in the driver’s seat…so it seems. Until once again, we lose control and are given over to be controlled by our impulses and cravings.
If we put our hope in God, we can trust that He is not caught by surprise by anything we encounter. When we choose to put our lives completely in his hands, he promises to never leave us or forsake us. This does not mean we are guaranteed a smooth, flawless road, but it means we have the comfort and the direction of the only one who not only knows what lies ahead, but has our best interest in mind even though we can’t see the whole picture. God is very intetested in our goals and dreams, but in order for us to be successful, he is interested in making sure we have the chatacter, strength and integrity we will need when we finally reach that goal. This is why it’s so important not only to ask God for direction, but to actually ask him what it is that he has planned for us. It is so much easier to put our hope in God when we are following HIS plan for our lives and not trying to manipulate God into following ours. When God is truly in charge it takes the burden of responsibility off of us to fix what goes disastrously wrong. We can simply surrender it to God and ask him what the next step is in his plan. Often times we will have to step out into the unknown before we will know if we are even heading the right direction. It can feel terrifying and exhilarating all at once but the whole point is that God wants us to follow him, seek after him and hope in him for every step. It is our nature to want to know a secure plan up front, five moves ahead so we can feel secure and in control. God doesn’t work that way. If you read about how he led his people through the wilderness to get to the promised land he was teaching them to trust him, obey him and honor him. Your hope process can be as painful or as fulfilling as you choose for it to be. Lean in and put your hope in God. Make him your everything. Just try to remember that your goals are not a final destination. They are just tiny stops on a long journey so learn to enjoy the journey!

“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary” Hebrews 6:19

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)